Rita is a past Tiffany Club Board of Director and current member. Rita’s many talents include her having been CFO of a corporation, moving all of TCNE’s financial systems from one system to a new, current generation one and being a completely mad cook. Rita actually visited TCNE when it was in a private home in Wayland! While you can read about TCNE and their history, including the house in Wayland, in our Club History, you can read Rita’s wise words and personal thoughts here in Rita’s Corner. Letter to Rita may be sent to info@tcne.org and address to Rita.
December 7, 2009 – My Recent trip to “Erie Gala”
My friend Becca and I recently attended the “Erie Gala” in, of course, Erie, Pa. I had first heard of the “Erie Gala” on the “Mature TG” Yahoo site and it sounded so interesting and the prices were so very reasonable that Becca and I immediately decided to attend. We both agreed that driving would be too long and would probably involve an “overnight” somewhere along the way. We thought of going by train because Becca had always wanted to take a long train ride . Well the train would have taken 13 hours to get to Erie and arrive there at 1:00 AM. We checked airline schedules and lo and behold there was a flight available from Manchester to Erie for $160.00 round trip. In a heartbeat, our decision was made. We would fly to Erie.
At first, I did not give any thought at trying to travel as Rita but as the time for our trip got closer, I kept thinking that this was a great opportunity for an adventure so I decided to fly as Rita. My friend, Kimberly Huddle from Austin, Texas, flies all over the country as Kimberly and has written countless blogs about her adventures. I mailed her and told of her my intentions and she told me to “go for it”.
On the morning of our departure I dressed and made up as Rita. I must admit that I dressed pretty androgynously, jeans, sweater, short leather jacket with scarf and boots with only a 2″ heel, just in case I ran into a problem. When we got to the airport we handed the young female ticket agent our boarding passes and our driver’s licenses and she did not even so much as blink.
I thought to myself, Wow that was easy. When I approached the metal detectors, I suddenly remembered that I have a pacemaker and internal defribilator and cannot go through metal detectors. So I handed the TSA agent my boarding pass and license and then came the $64 question, Was I male or female? I guest they were trying to figure out who would be doing a “pat down” search on me. The TSA agent was very courteous in the pat down. Then I was informed that my “boobies” would have to be checked for any “gel” substance. Again the TSA agent was very nice and led me to the security office and there in a private room, I had to reach in under my sweater and into my bra and show him my “boobie”. It checked out OK but I think that he was more embarrassed than I was. From then on it was smooth sailing all the way.
I would not attempt to compare the “Erie Gala” with First Event. I must admit though that the “management team” for the Gala was very well organized and that everything moved so smoothly. Unlike First Event, the “Erie Gala” does not have Workshops or Conferences of any kind. They do not hand out awards (except for fun things) and do not have a keynote speaker. However, they have “tours” arranged and entertainment all day and through the evening.
On the day we arrived, the group had taken a bus trip to a winery in Ohio and stopped for lunch at a Restaurant and did some shopping at a mall.
On Thursday afternoon we were fortunate to be joined by Deanna, a Tiffany member, and her wife who had driven all the way to Erie. They joined us for all of the events and it made for a most enjoyable time.
That evening, there was a “Barbecue/Western Theme Buffet” followed by entertainment. The meal was excellent and the entertainment, considering that it was a last minute replacement for what had originally been scheduled was also very good and professional.
On Friday, our day started with a “Golf Tournament”. Forty of us got on a very nice and plush bus and headed out to a Sports Complex that had an 18 hole indoor miniature golf course. So we matched up in foursomes and threesomes and we had to keep scorecards and turn them in because there were to be awards handed out the next day at the Luncheon. Following that we all went to lunch at a restaurant called “Oscar’s Pub” whose claim to fame was a “Big Ass” fish sandwich. After lunch, we went to the Erie Maritime Museum and were given a conducted tour aboard the frigate “Niagara”. It was entertaining, but our day was not over yet. We made one more stop at a place called “Romo’s Chocolates” which would have made Willy Wonka proud. Judging by what was carried out of the there, I would think that it was a profitable stop for Romo’s
Our Friday night buffet was a Hawaian Luau and they had Silk Flowers with barrettes for all the girls. It was very festive. Again, the meal was excellent. The entertainment for the evening was provided by two guys who call themselves “The Dueling Pianos.” They were wonderful musicians/comedians and there was a lot of audience participation. They have been doing this for five or six years and a good number of the girls got “roasted” . They entertained us for 2 hours non stop. That was followed by a “Trans Band” made up of some of the members. They were pretty good except that Deanna, Becca and I thought they were a little too loud for our taste and we went off to bed.
On Saturday, we had a nice luncheon at the hotel, and the awards for the Golf Tournament were handed out. This was followed by a short “Fashion Show” with the fashions provided by the “Fashion Bug”. There was a tea at a salon called “Veronica’s” for the spouses and some free time before the banquet that evening.
Entertainment during the afternoon was provided by one of our guests, “Sophia” who hails from Quebec City and is a professional musician. There was a baby grand piano in the lobby area and she kept us entertained with Broadway show tunes for almost an hour. Very, very enjoyable.
They call Saturday night “Glitter Ball” and it was that and more. All the “First Timer” attendees were introduced and presented with roses as were the spouses. An announcement was made that we represented Tiffany Club of New England and that we would be holding our First Event in January and that guests should contact tcne.org for brochures and registration forms. The “Canadian ” contingent led by “Sophia” also invited everyone to a Spring Fling which they would be holding in Ontario in May 2010.
On Sunday morning we enjoyed the traditional “farewell brunch” much the same way as it is at First Event. A professional photographer had taken a series of pictures during the events and put it all together on a CD for sale. It was a wonderful souvenir and everyone walked out with at least one copy.
I hope to return next year and would strongly recommend it to everyone.
[ed. - our readers can find a link to Erie Gala, held yearly in November, as well as other conferences by visiting the TCNE Conference List].
November 9, 2009 – Rita’s Review of Glamour Boutique
Somehow it seems like I have always known about the Glamour Boutique in Auburn, Mass. and about John Warrener who runs it. I don’t know how I ever heard about it in the first place. Maybe it was while surfing the net or from someone I chatted with online. Also it was close to home as I live in Worcester. All I know is that it was one of my first stops when I came out of the closet after a 15 year self-imposed exile.
It was John who sold me my first bra and of course my first implants, not to mention my first wig and first panties etc. . .As a matter of fact, the dress and the silver hair that I am wearing in my picture come from Glamour Boutique. John has a unique way of making first time crossdressers feel comfortable and helping them get started on their journeys. He is honest and fair and his prices are oh so reasonable.
Now when I pay a visit to Glamour Boutique just to browse or to spend some time chatting with John, I enjoy watching him help the “newbies”. He is never pushy and you can always count on John for a straight answer. He is without a doubt the crossdressers’ best friend and a strong supporter of Tiffany as well.
When you enter Glamour Boutique, you can be overwhelmed at first with all the merchandise that has been squeezed into such a small establishment. At the Glamour Boutique you will find bizarre items and fetishwear to ultra conservative dresses. You really need to spend some time browsing though to find that special something you probably could not find anywhere else.
I know that even now when I visit John in his shop on a social call, I always find something that I just “need” to have whether it was a piece of jewelry or a new garter belt or just to try one of his new corsets of which he carries the largest variety around.
If you are ever in the Worcester/Auburn area you should make it a point to at least stop by the Glamour Boutique and say, Hi, to John,.
October 29, 2009 – The Urge to Purge
The last few months of my life have been very trying. About two months ago, my wife made the announcement that she was leaving me to go live with her son and his family in Florida. Arrangements had already been made and her airline tickets had been purchased for a flight on October 12th.
In the meantime she continued to make preparations like packing, opening a new bank account and transferring her SS out of our joint account and contacting her primary care physician and changing her prescriptions to a CVS in Florida. Needless to say, we had very little communication during this period. There was a great deal of acrimonious debate and although we still had to live under the same roof, we were more like angry strangers.
The reason that she gave for wanting to leave me was that she wanted to live in an environment where she would be loved and accepted and secure. My crossdressing, other than it took away from funds that could have been spent on other things, was not a major issue. Our relationship had been deteriorating for years, long before she found out about my crossdressing, and an eventual separation was inevitable. We sometimes joked that the only thing that was keeping us together was poverty.
It’s only natural to harbor many dark thoughts when one finds themselves in a situation that is totally negative and filled with much bitterness. What happens most often is that the love that once was shared can turn into hatred which in turn can be self-destructive.
There was many a night when sleep would not come easily and I questioned my lifestyle as a crossdresser. Now I have been dressing for so long in my life, that all the answers should have come to me easily. Still, ” The Urge to Purge” would cross my mind. It also happened to me when I did not have the opportunity to dress as Rita for an extended period.
Maybe “crossdressing” is self-destructive. I already know that it is “progressive” in that once you achieve a goal like going out in public dressed en femme, you cannot regress. I also know that it can be an expensive “pastime” and part of being a woman is to love to shop. I am also aware that crossdressing consumes a great portion of my life. It means living a lonely life at times. As a crossdresser, I tend to shun friendships with people who would not understand this need that I have because I harbor this “secret life” . It also puts a strain on family and friends who do know about it and although are they are tolerant, can never be expected to be fully supportive. In other words, I would come up with a whole list of reasons why I should give up crossdressing. There were many nights that I fell asleep thinking that maybe I was just getting too old and that it was time to give it all up.
Luckily, in the light of day, my perspective would change. I would look at my closet and my bureau drawers and under the bed and make a quick assessment of the value of my “feminine inventory” and realize that if I were ever so foolish as to purge, I could never, ever replace my wardrobe, my makeup, my jewelry, in fact everything. Most of all, I realized that the times that I spent as” Rita” were also the happiest times for me. I also remembered that famous line from “La Cage”. . . .”I am what I am” and that I could be worse.
I believe that it happens or maybe it has already happened to all of us at one time or another. I think it probably happens more often to crossdressers than girls who are in transition, and more often yet to those who are married and have a family. It’s understandable. All of us who are married and have jobs and family are under a great deal of stress, especially if we are trying to keep our femme lives a secret, but I can tell you one thing. . .purging is not the answer. Don’t do it.
There are no easy solutions. Sometimes it feels like we are fighting logic, and maybe we are. Sometimes it feels like we are not normal, and we’re not. . .we are special. So I don’t lose sight of “who” I am, I always carry a picture of “Rita” in my wallet. I think that it is a very good picture of her and when I look at her, I see a happy person at peace with herself.
So, what I have learned is that you never make decisions based on “night thoughts”. If you get the “Urge to Purge” give it some time. More often than not, you will find that sooner than later the “Urge to Purge” will be replaced the “Need to Dress”. If you absolutely feel that you must purge for whatever reason, put your feminine items in storage or have a friend keep them for you.
Take it from someone who has been there. It will save you a lot of money!!!!
We are who we are and that is a wonderful gift. So let’s enjoy our gift and be happy.
September 28, 2009 – Karen
Most of us , at one time or another, have had a very good friend that we have lost touch with over the years. Either they have moved along, or we have, or we may both have chosen different paths.
I have a friend like that. Her name is Karen Aldrich. I mention her name in case she or perhaps someone who knows her, reads this article and lets her know that I sure would like to see her again.
I first met Karen in the early 1980’s. That was back when the Internet was in its infancy and the only online service available was “Compuserve”. The most popular way to meet other T Girls back then, was through the “Tapestry” magazine ( the forerunner of Rosebuds) which was published by Tiffany before IFGE took it over. There were pages and pages of personals of people who wanted to meet for all the usual reasons.
The way to do this of course was to write letters (snail mail) and hopefully wait for a reply in the mail. The next step of course was to exchange telephone numbers. You can imagine that some of us had some pretty horrific telephone and postage bills.
I was between marriages at the time and had myself a cute little apartment in Warwick, Rhode Island. Life was good. I had a great job which allowed me enough time and money to enjoy being “Rita”. It was at that time that I also joined Tiffany the first time. For you newer members, that was when Tiffany was in Wayland, Mass.
Karen was a pre-op transsexual at the time. She lived in New Bedford, Mass. and had a good government job in Newport, R.I. She was also divorced but had custody of a teen-aged son. I will not go into detail about what kind of life Karen had except that it was no bed of roses. She did live as a female 24/7 even on her job. . .a rare thing back then.
She was very active in the TG Community and had her own little support group going at the time.. We got together a few times and became friends. I would attend her little gatherings which consisted mostly of “pre-ops” and all the usual complaints ( nothing has changed)
Of course, I dressed as Rita almost every moment that I was not working and was very interested in “ transitioning” . Karen did have a lot more resources and information at her command than I did and recommended one counselor who also happened to work for the VA hospital in Providence, R.I.. Karen was always short of money and knew all the ways to save a buck.
The meeting with the counselor was a disaster, an issue that I may talk about in a later episode. Still, I continued to dress, but a lot of the joy had been taken away from me. We remained good friends and still saw each other often, although there was definitely a difference between us from that point on.
A few months after my disastrous visit to the counselor, I suffered my second heart attack. As a result, I lost my job, and my apartment and wound up living in my Mom and Dad’s basement. It was a very dark period in my life on the one hand, but it was also
one of the finest times in my life. Divine Providence must have had a hand in placing me there at that time for my mother had terminal cancer with only a few months to live. I became her primary caregiver and stood by her in those last difficult months.
Providence intervened again for me and a friend of the family who had a successful real estate business offered me the position of a lifetime as Project Manager for a lakefront condominium project they were building at Webster Lake in central Mass.
I signed a lease for a brand new condo in Putnam, Connecticut, and began a yet another new life. again. It did not take me long to rebuild my wardrobe and to seek out old friends. Karen had fallen on hard times and was about to lose her apartment. I offered her to share the condo as there was an extra bedroom, plus we had always gotten along so well.
The next several months were very happy times for the both of us. Although Karen had a long commute to work, she did not seem to mind. I let her stay for free so she could somehow save up the much needed money for her SRS. I would come home from work and quickly get into “Rita” mode and we would go out shopping and to eat together. It was a very pleasant arrangement. We were never intimate and always respected each other’s privacy, but we did manage to have good times. I wish I had kept some of the pictures of those days.
Not quite a year after my mother died, my father came to see me on the project. We had not separated on the best of terms when my mother died and it was a difficult thing for him to admit to me that he had been wrong. He hated living alone. He showed a lot of interest in our lakefront condos and asked if I would be willing to purchase one of the units together. It was an impossible offer to refuse. My father had all kinds of equity from his home and this would mean that we would have a luxury condo with boat slips and private beach at a mortgage payment that I could afford. That plus as Project Manager, I could work myself a very good deal.
I hated leaving my condo in Putnam. It had been such a good life. Any crossdresser’s dream really. I was able to get out of the lease and Karen and I went our separate ways. The last time that I saw her was about 18 months later when she drove by the condo project. She told me that she had had her SRS and that she was very happy and still working at her old job. We had little opportunity to talk much as I was in the middle of a conference with the job foreman and some subcontractors.
We both wished each other well. I don’t know why I did not make more of an effort to try and get together over a lunch or a dinner and talk about the good old days. It was like I had crossed over to the “other side” and we were now in different worlds.
Karen, wherever you are, you were a very big part of some of the best times of my life and I miss you.
September 21, 2009 – Rita’s Korner
When I first caught a glimpse of the “New TCNE Website” and saw my assigned byline ” Rita’s Korner”for the new “Rosebuds”, I had to chuckle to myself. I wondered if whoever dreamed it up was aware of the countless times as a child when I was banished to the “corner” for being naughty. I used this mild punishment on my own children later, but the effect was not quite the same. With five children and a room with four corners it sometimes became a game of “musical corners”.
I look forward to the opportunity of making my own little contributions to the new “Rosebud”. All of us who can remember, will always be in the debt of Frances Cardullo and Michael West for putting out such fantastic issues of “Rosebuds” for so long. I can only hope that we can carry on their tradition.
In the months to come, I hope to report to you on a variety of events and happenings. It might be a revue on a restaurant I went to, or a shop or boutique, or some play, or other entertainment . I will report not only on the quality of the establishment but also rate them on being “TG” friendly.
We may also do interviews with our Vendors with lots of pictures so you may get to know who our friends are and what they can offer us in the community.
I am also giving some thought to starting a “Personals” section of Rosebud where members can advertise for a variety of things. I think that this would depend largely on comments and requests from readers. Personally, I have always enjoyed reading “personal and classified ads” and maybe others out there may share this fascination.
Any requests or letters sent to “Rita’s Korner” will be personally answered and nothing would ever be published without the writer’s approval or consent. I hope to share my own experiences, adventures, and tribulations as well, always with compassion and with a touch of humor.
