Rebecca resides in Massachusetts where she writes, enjoys chocolate anything, plays with her doggie, pays for her kids college tuition, and continually learns about life with her spouse.  Her column deals with life outside of the closet in all it’s various shades of pink, blue and gray. You can reach rebecca at info@tcne.org or follow her other writings at her blog Beck’s Cafe.  Material published on Rosebuds from Beck’s Cafe are copyrighted, all rights reserved, and reprinted with permission here at Rosebuds.

May 1, 2010 – The need for affirmation in transgender women can sometimes drive risky behaviors; here’s what to do to stay safe (Brian King/HES interview part 4)

In part 3 of our interview with Brian King of HES/Prism/NETA in Beverly, MA  we learned about compartmentalizing behavior and how to help oneself be more integrated.  Here in part 4, our final post, we’re talking with Brian King about how the deep need for affirmation by transgender women can sometimes drive them to take risks they might not otherwise engage in.   We’ll also talk a bit about how transgender women can stay safe and conclude our interview with Brian.

Beck’s Café: Brian, we’ve talked about risk behaviors and some of what motivates those behaviors that harm people’s health. And we’ve also talked about peer groups and how those help people to make wise choices and to stay healthy.  Does affirmation (or lack of affirmation) of who we are also play a role in a trans-persons behavior and potentially be a cause of risky sexual behavior?

HES: Well, it’s important for your readers to know that sexual activity is not risky in and of itself. However, affirmation is indeed an important issue and particularly for those who have had some sort of history or abuse for whom they are.  Let’s take a look at something simple like using a condom.

Becki, on the surface of it, using a condom should be a no brainer. But for some, stopping the physical romantic moment is something they won’t do.  Not because they don’t understand the potential risk, but because it would ruin the chance for being affirmed for whom they are as a trans-woman.  The trans-woman doesn’t bring it up so that the opportunity for being accepted is not ruined.  When you are in the moment what is more important? The affirmation or taking care of one’s own health.  For many, the affirmation comes first, not the health.  Sex addiction may also play a part in this, but that addiction is really a symptom of something deeper driving that person.  If you are having multiple partners it’s helpful to examine your behavior in your context: Are you someone who is single, having fun exploring sex; protecting yourself in the midst of that, having conversations with your partners; having fun?  Or is your context more about: sleeping with multiple partners; not using a condom; the physical interactions are emotionless; sex feels meaningless and you keep wondering why are you doing this over and over again?

Beck’s Café: I can see how affirmation is pretty important now.  Brian, what steps should a transgender person take to protect themselves should they decide to be sexually active?

HES: I try not to use the word “should” because contexts are always different and that’s your best determiner of behavior.  So, is a trans-person in a long term relationship and they have trust over 6 months that you are monogamous?  A barrier like a condom might not make sense, if you truly don’t have a risk.  You are both in a safe monogamous relationship then.

Another example; someone is in a relationship that they thought was going to be forever but, did it last a week or a month?  Did the other person betray or hurt you?  How long should you wait till you build trust with the new person your are with?  You need communicate together about yourselves and about your sexual health.  One out of two people who have HIV don’t know their status.

Some people choose to use oral condoms for oral sex.  Oral sex is very low risk for HIV it’s more likely for STD’s and they are alot easier to get than HIV. Gonorrhea of the throat and syphilis of in the mouth are risks with unprotected oral sex.  Many times you don’t have symptoms but you can still pass along these other STD’s!

HES recommends getting your STD screenings once or twice a year.  Just make it a normal activity, around your birthday.  When you don’t know that you have an STD and you are not displaying any symptoms, that’s when very serious damage to your personal health and to others can happen.  But many STD’s can be cured with simple anti-biotics if is caught early.

Normalize this, it doesn’t make you dirty because it is not, you are just taking care of your own health.  80% of women over 35 have HPV, human papillomavirus, for example!!! It’s that common.  I get my STD tests on a normal basis; don’t fear being stigmatized.   At least get tested for the most common STDs: gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and HIV. A general STD test should include testing every place on your body where your sex happens.  If you give oral sex make sure your throat is swabbed.  If you have anal sex, make sure your behind is swabbed.   A urine test for genitals.   A blood test for syphilis.  And we offer a simple rapid HIV test with a finer prick that gives you your result 10 minutes.

And it’s really easy; even I got tested when the HES Van came to a Friends of Randolph Country Club Party (FoRCC) at RCC in Randolph one night and I was completely healthy!

HES: Terrific Becki!

Beck’s Café: Brian, any last thoughts here as we finish up this wonderful conversation and pot of coffee here at Beck’s Care?

HES: Yes, NETA and HES would love to hear from the transgender community!  We want to offer our services and be a resource.  It’s important for the transgender community to tell us how to help them, what their needs are, and how they are being met or not being met.  What is working and what is not working? We really want to fill in the gap on health care for transgender people, and complement and collaborate with the services that already exist.

Beck’s Café: Thanks so much Brian for visiting with us.

HES: My pleasure Becki and thanks for the coffee!

April 21, 2010 – Split Lives-How compartmentalizing your life’s actions hollows out your life and what can you do to help yourself (Brian King/HES interview part 3)
In part 2 of our interview series with Brian King of HES/PRISM/NETA in Beverly, MA.  We learned how HES became interested in transwomen’s health and the importance of peer support. Today we’ll be talking with Brian about how people in the LGBT community can sometimes compartmentalize their behavior, what that means, and how  to help yourself.

Beck’s Café: Brian, we’ve covered a lot of ground in our conversation, and one area I wanted to ask is about how transgender people compartmentalize their behaviors, particularly risky sexual behaviors.  You’ve said that you’ve seen this with other populations that HES has worked with.  Can you help our readers understand this phenomenon better? Is it healthy?

HES:  What we’ve observed in working with gay and bi-men  is exactly that, compartmentalization.  They say they have sex with men and yet do not identify as gay or bisexual.  They may also been in relationships with women.  I can understand not wanting to be labeled.   Many times they see being identified as gay as taking on gay flamboyant stereotypes or what gets sensationalized in the popular press.  But when a person completely splits into two separate identities, they often don’t want to acknowledge that the other side exists.   And sometimes, it’s like what they say about Vegas.   If I don’t talk about it, it didn’t happen, and therefore I don’t have to think about the risks I took last night.  That was someone else.

Our experience working with transgender people is the same: Compartmentalizing risky behaviors, splitting your personality in a sense. The general rule of thumb however is that integration of a person is the healthiest way to live.  Compartmentalization brings about a certain lack of internal authenticity regardless of the outward presentation to the world.  That lack of internal authenticity can catch up with a person and affect them or affect their behavior. Organizations like NETA and TCNE can be a big help allowing trans-people to be who they are.   Many times though, people feel they can’t integrate who they are now as the pain of staying in the closet is less than the perceived risk of coming out and integrating ones self within a helpful peer community.   Those risks can be very real.

Someone might have a lot to lose by “coming out.”    So providing a safe space where transgender people can be validated and respected for who they are, and find community, is a top priority [ed. - TCNE is such a safe space!]

(Tomorrow, In part 4, we’ll be talk with Brian about the connection between the need for affirmation and risky actions)

April 20, 2010 – Transwomen’s Healthcare In-Focus: Interview with Brian King of Health & Education Services/PRISM LGBT Community Health (part 2)
In part 1 of our interview series with Brian King of HES/PRISM/NETA in Beverly, MA.  We introduced Brian King and the organizations he works with HES, PRISM and NETA.   We also talked a bit with Brian about Hepatitis and transwomen.  Today we’ll touch on how HES became interested in transwomen’s health and the importance of peer support.

April 19, 2010 – Transwomen’s Healthcare In-Focus: Interview with Brian King of Health & Education Services/PRISM LGBT Community Health (part 1)
We’re starting a series of conversations here this week at Beck’s Cafe with Brian King of Health and Education Services (HES) of Beverly, MA.  HES is the sponsor organization for the North East Transwomens Alliance (NETA) and for PRISM Health, a network of programs within Health & Education Services, Inc. committed to providing competent services for the LGBT community on the North Shore and Merrimack Valley.  Brian is the Director of HIV Prevention & Education at HES’s and the Executive Sponsor for the Gay & Bi Men’s Health Program, PRISM Health and NETA

If you were at First Event 2010 chances are you were accosted by some of the members of NETA/HES in their zeal to survey as many attendees as possible.  NETA and HES have a single mission with their organization: “dedicated to the health and well-being of transgender women living in New England.” Sounds like a pretty good mission to us here at Beck’s Café.  In fact HES has been in the business of helping people stay healthy for some time now and “provides a wide range of community based mental health and substance abuse, prevention and addiction services to Massachusetts’ Greater North Shore and Lower Merrimack Valley residents.”

Beck’s Café: Brian, thanks for taking the time to meet with us.  Let’s start with an easy question, what’s the traditional mission for HES?

HES: Well it’s great to finally have a chance to chat Becki!  HES tries to provide comprehensive services for people that are underserved such as: the homeless, those who are traumatized, people facing social stigma that isolates them, those caught in substance abuse, HIV prevention services, STD prevention and treatment services.  Our feeling was that by having one location and all the services under one umbrella, it made it possible for the people we are targeting to more easily access the services they need and this creates a more seamless continuity of support.

Beck’s Café: So it’s easier to receive medical help in one area then kind of drive across town to the next one.  It just makes life easier for people, is that the idea?

HES: Exactly. This helps to keep the door open for those needing services. It reduces the stress and barriers of health care for people by reducing barriers like travel or having to coordinate among multiple service providers.  Many people at risk face so much stress even a simple barrier like travel can derail them from getting important health care or other critical services.

For example, something like Hepatitis A or B is easily treatable and preventable, and yet, barriers stop people from either getting healthy or staying healthy.  Hepatitis A isn’t necessarily contracted from sex with a partner but instead from food such as eating poorly prepared sushi or contaminated food or drinking infected water; HES provides vaccines for Hepatitis A.  Not being treated for it can be a major health problem.  Hepatitis B can be contracted from anal, vaginal or oral sex and is the most common, serious liver infection in the world.  In fact, Hepatitis B is 100 times more contagious than HIV.  The good news is that it can be easily avoided  by way of safe vaccines which HES can provide. Also being vaccinated protects the liver and this is especially important if a trans-woman is going to start hormone replacement therapy (HRT).  A trans-woman’s liver has to be healthy for her to process the estrogen she’s taking.  IF you are on HRT hepatitis A & B vaccines could be very important!

(Tomorrow, we’ll be chatting with Brian about how HES got interested in transwomen’s health)

April 5, 2010 – Fenway Health T-Social a hit as Boston area trans-community comes together to meet each other and celebrate
Hats off to Alex Solange of Fenway Health’s Transhealth Navigator Program and the whole Fenway Health Team for a great T-Social on March 25.  Fenway has come a long way in moving to embrace the transgender community.  Early on, it was pretty much acceptance but still a sense in which Fenway didn’t quite “get” how to deal with the health aspects of trans-people.  Then Fenway wrote a book on LGBT health that included an entire chapter on caring for transgender people and things have appeared to look up ever since.  We have several friends who use Fenway Health now and they’ve been mostly happy with their hormone care and other, regular health care right in one location.  You don’t need to be medically transitioning to access their services.   If you just want one stop shop for medical services in a welcoming environment Fenway is a place worth considering.  The T-Social is an outreach Fenway has been running for a few years to reach out to the community.

It was well attended with representatives from Compass, TCNE, TransCEND, SISTERS, Fenway Health, My Changing Room, among many others.   Lots of people from the community were there.  Fenway provided a nice buffet and there were lots of smiley face so you know the vibe was good.

Beck’s Cafe had a chance to talk with Alex a bit at the social and he had a few points to share with the community

• Fenway is very serious about helping the transgender community!   Let Fenway know what is working and what is not and how they can help. Email or call Alex asolange@fenwayhealth.org or 617.927.6449
• Fenway has a large meeting room on it’s 10^th floor of its new facility and is happy to let other groups use that room.  Based on my conversation with Alex in the very loud Club Café front room I don’t think there’s a fee but best to ask Alex first.  That room seats 200 and has AV support with an overhead projector.

Overall it was a fine and fun evening with Fenway Health.

February 26, 2010 – Massachusetts Transgender social & support group, SISTERS, meets with Capone’s Restaurant over discrimination:
Discrimination still lives in America and right here in the Northeast no less. Not that such should come as a surprise. The Brazilians who come to our shores are sometimes harassed for just being here, women are discriminated against by being pigeon holed in entry level jobs, and transgender persons are too for just being who they are. You can see a whole list of what’s current in discrimination in Massachusetts by checking this quick Google search link in fact.

January 18, 2010 - Post First Event Blues:
We had so much fun and learned so much at First Event 2010. About ourselves and about each other. I hugged till my arms hurt, smiled till my cheeks cramped, and loved the pink cloud and blue bedrock of our community. So many highlights it’s hard to process them all. But now that the party is over and we all get back to other priorities a let down can sometimes happen. This is true particularly if you’re newly out of the closet and if First Event was your first or among your first public venues.

You might get bummed as the days progress this week. So here are some tips others have found that can help make life a little less gray.

(1) Look: Did you get a photo of yourself at FE10? Not a glam photo per se, just any photo while you were presenting as you. Look at yourself. It’s not narcissistic it’s like looking at a mirror. Sometimes, when our inside and outsides don’t match and your feeling dysphoric, looking at a photo of yourself can be a nice reminder that who you are inside is who you are outside. This can be a real help for you to get your feet on the ground.

(2) Chat: Friends. You need ‘em and you need to talk with them. Rekindling the memories can be extremely helpful to laugh and get life back on the lighter side when you feel blue as you get further away from your fun and meaningful time at First Event. So chat with your friends DO NOT go back into a shell or into your closet. This is not healthy for you. Virtually, you can chat at TCNE’s Yahoo Group or another good place is at Pink Essence on their terrific chat line.  The Transgendered Planet is another good one.  These are very safe spaces. Talk on the phone with someone you exchanged phone numbers with.  Process your feelings! You need it.

(3) Plan: Your next time out. That’s right. You need to get out and see people. There are many transgender conferences both small and large throughout the U.S.  TCNE’s “TG Conference List” is updated monthly for you to find a conference close to you. And there is likely a support group near you in your own city or town or within an hour or two so you can go out and feel safe and not exposed.  Tiffany Club would welcome you if you can make it to our offices in Waltham, MA.  But if we are too far away, IFGE is a great resource to find such places and TCNE has a list as well.

(4) Give: Give back; that’s right, even if it was your first time out you can give back to move forward causes that effect others. And in doing so you give yourself a big emotional boost, banish those blues and help others. What a triple play! There are many transgender rights actions happening all around us, from the national ENDA bill to Massachusetts Transgender Civil Rights Bill (H.1728/S1687). There are many womens issues you could involve yourself in as well, from helping those who are the victims of domestic violence, to womens health issues, to women in shelters (many times with their children). Finally, are there any other trans-persons near you who are homeless or out of a job or who knows what? Reach out to them in some way to help them out. We may not always agree with each other, but we do need to support each other.

This isn’t fantasy, it’s your life..so live it, have fun and if you get the blues, remember to LOOK – CHAT – PLAN – GIVE!

December 7, 2009 - Trans Civil Rights Lobby Day: Roundtable with Michelle, Paula & Rebecca; The Unlikely Activists
“An Act Relative to Gender-Based Discrimination and Hate Crimes” has been re-introduced for the 2009 legislative session in the House by Representative Carl Sciortino and Representative Byron Rushing (HB 1728) and in the Senate by Senator Benjamin Downing (S.1687).

Back on April 7th, 2009 MTPC led a lobby day that had large attendance and many key speakers. To say it was a moving experience is an understatement. While the facts of the story have been covered at Pam’s House Blend, on a post at MTPC, on a post at the Interfaith Coalitions Website, and finally at Boston’s Bay Window article here, what about putting another face to the story? Well, that’s just what Michelle, Paula and Rebecca did, while enjoying salad and calzone together after the lobby day. Let’s listen in to their discussion; the results may enlighten you to a more human side of this story:

- One question we have to ask each other (queue diet cokes being sipped) is, why did we attend the lobby days in the first place?

• Michelle: While I’m not particularly politically active, I find myself very motivated to do what little bit I can to help fight for trans rights. I’ve been fortunate enough so far that my path has gone pretty smoothly, but I realize that this could turn in an instant, and with our current laws could leave me without much recourse. I have so many wonderful friends in the trans community that I am happy to do this one small thing to help.
• Paula: I attended Transgender Lobby day for the first time in April because as a transgendered person I am always concerned about my safety when I go out alone as well as for the safety of my friends in the transgender community when we go out in a group.a
• Rebecca: Like Michelle, I’m not really politically active. I’m a conservative really. But for me, this whole topic hit close to home when I lost a mid-level management position due to discrimination for bring transgender. Suddenly, my eyes were open that even in high tech, transgender people were at risk regardless of if they were doing a great job or not. That really angered me.

- I think we all had different expectations going into this, but, what did you hope to accomplish?

• Michelle: I wanted to make the issue real for my state representative by spending some time with her in person.
• Paula: Because of the stigma out there in society we transgendered persons have to be very careful. There are many persons who accept and respect us for who we are but there are others who do not and would think nothing of using violence against us because of simply who we are.  Ask a gay person about hate and violence. They will concur with what I am talking about. Gays and lesbians are now covered under hate crimes legislation. It took a long time for this to happen but society finally realized gays and lesbians are people like you and me and deserve protection under the law like anyone else. We transgendered persons only ask for the same protection everyone should have under the law. Violence against anyone for no reason should not be tolerated.
• Rebecca: My reps have all signed on, so at one level, I just wanted to thank them. So I made little gift bags filled with chocolates and a cute card that said, “thanks for supporting us”. It’s a small gesture but one that I hope let them know their support meant alot to us.But, my other hope in attending was to have dialogue with my reps and others who may have never met a transperson. To show them we weren’t all that different.

- [between bites of wonderful Ceaser Salad comes another question] Was this your first time at this or had you attended before?

• Michelle: This was my second time. I participated in the first Mass Transgender Lobby Day in 2007.
• Paula: This was my maiden voyage in this.
• Rebecca: This was my second time as well. I attended in 2007 too. I think at that point in my life I was still trying to figure out how to latch my bra correctly but I knew this was important so I went.

- So, what were your first impressions?

• Michelle: I’m just perpetually impressed by Gunner’s leadership, and what he is able to accomplish. I found the first lobby day to be an incredible event, but this one topped it in every way. It was great to be sitting right in the center of the State House, with so many inspiring speakers addressing the challenges that we all face.I forget his name – the African American co-sponsor of the legislation. He blew me away. First, he melted my heart with his warm smile and warm welcome to the crowd. Then he got me riled up as he drew comparisons between our current struggle for protection of our rights with that of African Americans in the 60s.
• Paula: [quietly munching on her calzone, deep in thought]
• Rebecca: I was completely surprised and delighted at the support we received. Particularly from the faith community. What a great group of preachers; unafraid of being men and women of faith, and unashamed to stand up to say that discrimination of transgender people is wrong. That really had a big impact on me.

- What were the results of some of your conversations with our representatives and senators?

• Michelle: I was thrilled with how our conversation went with Representative Polito. She seemed to show sincere interest in starting to understand who we are and the challenges we face. She mentioned that we were the first trans people she had ever (knowingly) met. This is why I pushed so hard to get face-to-face communication with her – I figured that without knowing the human side of the transgendered rights issues, it would be just too easy for her to dismiss it as some left-wing issue. It will be a long effort to get support from reps such as her, but it seems totally worth our time to at least help her understand our interests. Probably the best part of our chat was being joined by Becki and Paula, who are both Republican (as is Rep. Polito). They were able to help make a connection that I could never make with her, since my political views are so different from hers.I was disappointed that I was the only constituent who visited my rep on the lobby day. While she listened openly, I realized that as far as she is concerned right now, this is an issue that only effects one member of her constituency. I really hope that we can get more residents of her district to reach out to her.
• Paula: My first and only encounter with a representative was with one who was a Republican. I don’t remember her name [ed: Representative Polito] but my friends Michelle, Becki and I had a lengthy conversation with her. She listened to us intently. I think for this representative it was her first look into the life of a transgendered person. I watched the expressions on her face closely.  When Becki and I told her we were married and had children and were Evangelical Christians there was a look of surprise on her face.  Michelle told this representative of her life as a transgendered person being married with a young child and a professional business person in the community.  I don’t think this representative ever met a transgendered person before our visit or at least one she was aware of.  I could see her eyes open wide because now maybe for the first time in her life she got to see what transgender is.  She saw the faces of three real people who live, work, pray and love just like everyone else.I don’t know how she will vote on the Hate Crimes Bill but I bet the next time she is out in public she will see people in a new light.
• Rebecca: One result that almost moved me to tears was the response from Senator Karen Spilka’s staff. When they heard my story about issues I had faced their immediate response was, “call us next time, we will help you”.   That was so empowering.The other result was the conversation with Representative Polito that Michelle, Paula and I had. I loved the look on her face when she said, “Well, I don’t really know much about your world, I’m just working here at the state, taking care of the kids and so on”. When we told her about ourselves she was truly surprised. I’m not sure what she thought of us before, but afterwards, I can say we gave her a new perspective!

As we finished up our chat, slipped our dirty dishes into the garbage and got ready to head home, Paula had one last thing to say to finish up our roundtable discussion, Paula capped our discussion by saying, “Even though we are transgendered we are people too!  That is all we ask is to be treated like people and be protected under the law as all citizens are entitled to”.

Amen sister!

ed. – Michelle, Paula and Rebecca will be talking about their experience with the lobby days in a workshop/panel during First Event 2010 entitled, “The Unlikely Activist” on Friday, January 15th at 11AM.  The moderator will be Gunner Scott.

October 26, 2009 – Interview with new author Lisa Gayle on her book, “Emerald Spirit” – part 2
Lisa Gayle is the author of “Emerald Spirit”, a new book exploring themes around gender and life transition, immortality and facing realities as a woman. Yesterday, in part 1, we covered a little about “Emerald Spirit’s” main character and a little about Lisa herself. In part 2, Lisa and I will be chatting about Lisa’s favorite scenes from her book, how her friend got her motivated, and what’s next for Lisa?

Becki: Lisa, can you give us one or two of your favorite scenes from your book?
Lisa: (laughs) Wouldn’t that be giving away too much? I think my favorite is the awakening. Another one that was fun to write was when she meets her old neighbor in San Diego and learns about her former life. I also like the playful stuff that happens as Susan grows accustomed to being a woman and finds she likes men.

Becki: Why write a transgender fiction book now? And since you wrote it some time ago, why publish now?
Lisa: Actually this is in the past. I started this book probably ten years ago and never finished until last year. I had gotten just so far and got distracted from the project for a long time. I put it aside and didn’t think much about it. Besides I really didn’t know how I wanted it to end. It was my friend, Carollyn Olson, who pushed me to finish it.

Carollyn had just published her first novel, “Deception” and I mentioned that I had this thing I was working on. I sent her the unfinished manuscript and she wrote back Shouting at me “OH MY GOD!!!! YOU HAVE TO FINISH THIS!” She got me to write the ending and have it published.

Becki: How does the theme of death and re-birth play into your main characters life and does that mirror or relate to the experience of other transpeople (or other people in other life transitions all of them not necessarily transgender).
Lisa: You know, I hadn’t really thought of it in such allegorical terms but I suppose it really does because transitioning is really a death and rebirth. You leave one life behind and start a new one.. Initially it was just an exploration of feelings and speculations but it does work on that level as well.

It also has some element of everyone’s wish for immortality, or at least longer life or a second try at getting life right. OK, I’m no longer 60 years old and winding down. Suddenly, I’m 20 and I have a chance to not make those stupid mistakes I made all my life. I have the wisdom of my 60 years and a new fresh body. Of course if’s female now but hey, won’t that be an interesting kick?

Becki: Besides Gordon, can you give our readers any description and insight into another important character in your book and how you came to bring this person to life in your book?
Lisa: Here’s the romance novel reader/writer showing up. Greg is her knight in shining armor. Susan is a smart, capable and strong woman, but she has to face some realities that she never considered as a male. Primary is that she is discriminated against and harassed because she is a woman. This was something she never saw even in her own company until it was directed at her. It was going on when she was a man but she was too involved in other things to see it. She also realizes that while she has skills and is not a tiny woman, she has physical limitations simply because most of these bad people she encounters are so much larger and more physically powerful than she is. She needs someone like Greg to fill that need. Doesn’t hurt that he’s a handsome hunk either. I made Greg kind of an ideal but gave him a past that he doesn’t talk about and that might be something she really doesn’t want to know about. He’s done some things that might not be suitable for all audiences. That’s his mystery.

And every story needs a villain. It’s more interesting when that villain is someone the hero/heroine knows and doesn’t suspect. I had fun making that character pretty slimy. I confess to have modeled him after someone I know. So he’s kind of a real person. That part was a vicarious giggle for me.

Becki: Your smart, gorgeous, a great friend, and devoted parent and spouse, so now a published author, what’s up next on the horizon for you Lisa?
Lisa: Flattery will get you a free copy of the book! (laughs) I really don’t know what’s next. I’m working on a new story that will feature a detective who crossdresses, very convincingly, to work on a big case. I’ve also agreed to allow Carollyn to use the characters in my book in her new novel “Breaking Point”. I’ve been an advisor and consultant on that project as well as writing a chapter or so for it.

Right now, I’m being Dad to my teenage daughter who is smart, talented and beautiful (Can’t tell I’m proud of her, can you?), and trying to stay afloat in the recession. I’ve been appointed Assistant PostMistress for the Vanity Club, which is a wonderful online sorority that counts some of the most beautiful trans-women in the world as members. I’ll be going to the Lake Erie Gala this November.

I’ll let you know when the newest book becomes available.

Becki: Lisa I hope you do! And thanks so much for taking the time to visit with us at Beck’s Cafe

October 5, 2009 – Interview with new author Lisa Gayle on her book, “Emerald Spirit” – part 1
Lisa Gayle is both beautiful and funny. An upstate NY resident and a proud parent, she helps to bring the Erie Gala Transgender Conference to life every year in Erie PA. She’s also a budding author with a new book that explores questions of gender and life transition, immortality and facing realities as a woman she could have never considered as a man. I caught up with Ms. Gayle for coffee and a chat about her new book, “Emerald Spirit”.  Ms. Gayle may be contacted at lisagayle98@yahoo.com

Becki: What led you to write your book?
Lisa: I spent my whole professional career in an office. Got my degree in accounting of all things and I hated it. I was never a detail-oriented person. (Is that right brain or left? I can never remember.) I was always more interested in the arts. My favorite subjects in school were always English and the arts. I enjoyed writing short stories bur never thought I could put together a story that would be suitable for a book. This story didn’t start out as a book either. I just started writing about this idea I had and it kept growing.

Becki: So the story kind of took on a life of it’s own, or, maybe picked you up and carried you on a journey to see it written! Have you always written, what were some of your earliest works?
Lisa: Always. I made up elaborate stories as far back as I can remember.

I have a series of short stories, mostly in the Twilight Zone kind of genre that I may publish someday. Some of these date back to my college days, back when there were still dinosaurs roaming around. I need to finish the three or four ideas I have in progress before that compilation could be book length.

My favorite has to be “The Foxhole”. It’s about a soldier in war who finds himself in a foxhole with a few other GI’s whom he does not know. As they shelter from enemy fire there, they discover that they are not even fighting the same war. One is from Viet Nam, another fought in WWII and another Korea.

I also adapted a short story by Robert Sheckley, “The King Wishes” into a stage play. I would love to produce that for the stage one day.

Becki: I bet the range of characters in your stories is very wide. Can you tell us how you come up with your main character for “Emerald Spirit” Gordon who becomes Susan?
Lisa: Susan wasn’t really a character until later in the process. I started writing not about a specific person but about an idea. What would it be like to wake up in a strange hospital and find that I was no longer a male? But not just a male who had say, undergone SRS, perhaps by accident, (you know the old urban myths: the hospital got the wrong patient for the transplant surgery and now this guy has someone else’s heart and there was nothing wrong with his. That kind of thing.) but that he, now she, was 100% genetic female. So when you read it, the chapter in which that happens is the first part written. After a while I thought there was a larger story that could be told. It expanded in both directions from there. Eventually Susan needed to be a real person.

Becki: The main character, Gordon Carson, with his millionaire, wealth and expensive plane sounds similar to a Howard Hughes or Richard Branson, what led you to create a character like Gordon with his unique attributes?
Lisa: I needed to have someone with a great deal to lose. Someone for whom this sudden change would be even more devastating than the obvious physical changes. It didn’t hurt to give him the means to have done so many things in his life that would come in handy during the story. Making him wealthy, intelligent and successful provided all that.

(Next in part 2:  Lisa’s favorite scenes from her book “Emerald Spirit”, how her friend got her motivated, and what’s next for Lisa?)

September 21, 2009 – Hugzzz
It’s almost like you forget what it’s like to be hugged when you come out as transgender.

For me that was a loss.

I had always been kinda touchy feely. I loved hugging people in church and welcoming them in. Such a nice thing to do. Nothing says “Jesus loves you” like a warm human accepting you unconditionally and hugging you.  When it was unclear what I was to my fellow parishoners, my soft hugs were met with a more professional, “at a distance” kind of “thing”. Not quite a hug and not quite a put off. More ambiguous than that. Oh well. Jesus was in there someplace I’m sure but I darn missed that hug!

I started reclaiming my huggability when I came into the transgender community and when genetic women accepted me. That was a nice suprise.

My first hug from a genetic woman who both knew about me and accepted me was quite the experience. She said, “Oh I’m pleased to meet you Rebecca” and then like a big cloud I was embraced and I embraced her. I felt normal! Like, wow, who woulda thunk it. I thought, for a long while, I’d become part of the NLG, “New Leper Generation”. Not nearly as trendy as the Pepsi Generation or being a Gen-X’r.

The best hugger by far is Mara Keisling. Mara is the Executive Director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. So she’s a mover and a shaker.  And, generally speaking, you don’t get great hugs from a  mover and shaker.  It’s just not becoming.

I saw Mara at First Event, one day. I’ll never forget that day. I welcomed Mara with a big smile and a ‘Hi Mara” and she opened her arms and gave me a huge welcoming hug. It was like someone had put their arms around me and gave me enough comfort that life would be okay for like 3 days. Now THAT was a hug.

First Event 2009 was a love/hug fest. So many wonderful women. So many teary, “oh I love you’s” so many hugs. I thought I was going to get a rash from hugging so many of my old and new friends. It was great. I talked to my therapist about it, she said, “so you really got some nurturing”. Mmmm now that’s a great word. I felt nurtured. I was learning a hug could be a poweful thing and I’d forgotten that.

I’d encourage everyone to hug each other warmly. Think about how we could reduce our need for foreign oil! And don’t be shy in public with them hugs, “what will people think, my goodness…” nah, they will be so jealous they aren’t getting a nice warm embrace and being let know they are welcome to be who they are, right where they are, right as they are.